By: T.M. Brunson
So it was Mother's Day this past Sunday—the day I was going to write this; but my head was throbbing. Ever since I turned 40, my body started breaking down. It takes a little more effort for me to lose weight. My bones are cracking with almost every movement. My back hurts more than it should. When I eat a pork chop, my blood pressure skyrockets... and now, it does the same thing with one of my favorite vices—pickles!
Needless to say, I forgot about this affliction when I had a hoagie (sub sandwich) from our local Wawa this past Saturday. It was turkey with lots of pickles on it. And it was delicious...
Until Sunday (Mother's Day), when I woke up with a headache. I didn't think anything of it. I was trying to have a good day. I told my girls that the only thing I wanted was for them to listen and not to fight.
Yeah, do you think they could've granted me this one this one day?
With every raised voice...
With every unkind word that came out of their mouths towards each other...
that little vein, right on my temple, began to pump up and down.
Today, I realized that I didn't start having consistent blood pressure and insomnia issues until I got this vaccine. I found out from a higher up in the Black Doctors Association of NJ that high blood pressure and insomnia are side effects of the vaccine.
So, yeah, I might've protected myself from this deadly disease that caused this pandemic, but now I have a host of other serious issues, one of which I could die from, as well—which is the reason that I didn't want to take the vaccine in the first place.
You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.
Life Lesson #1 - cut down/out the sodium in my diet.
So my whole lifestyle has to change. No biggie. (yeah, right)
To top it all off, my oldest two confessed that they found my journal that I kept from 2003-2006. They claim they only read the first two pages—but, in reality, they read so much more. So, I had to re-read what I wrote all those years ago to find out what they know.
The years covered the period of time that I was "dating" my ex-husband. And no matter how many other guys were trying to holla at me, I felt like a magnet was pulling me to him even though he didn't want to be with me at the time.
Life Lesson #2 - chase after NO man.
As I read this journal, cover to cover, I was screaming at the young woman who wrote in that journal all those years ago...asking her: why don't you see these red flags? Why didn't you just stay in a relationship with yourself? Why didn't you take care of your inner well-being?
Why didn't you recognize the transformation that was waiting for you?
But I can't be too hard on her.
She was in her late 20s. She didn't know any better.
And without those same decisions, I wouldn't have the six, beautiful princesses (no matter how much they get on my nerves sometimes) that I have today.
So I hold no regrets. None whatsoever. Just life lessons.
I wrote to myself back then: Listen to your gut!
I thought my gut was telling me to stay with him even though I felt like some things were off. I was "bout it, bout it" for him and I thought that meant something.
Maybe, at the time, it did...
So the girls aren't with me this week. When they get back, do I reprimand the girls for invading my privacy? Or make this a teachable moment about privacy?
Could they have come to me when they found it and asked me if they could read it? Yes. Did they? No.
The crazy thing was that I was going to share it with them when they got older (16/17) so they could see the mistakes that I've made and learn from them. I think they are too young right now.
Too young to be reading about my sexual encounters with him.
Too young to be reading about my emotional experiences and ups and downs of wanting to be wanted.
What did I learn?
To hide my personal journals better until the time is right to share them.
QUESTION OF THE DAY
What would you do? How would you handle this type of situation?
Would you yell and scream at your kids for invading your privacy?
Or would you render this moment an opportunity to teach them about boundaries and life, itself?